Cockroach by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241144459
Publisher: Penguin Publishing
Published: 2009-05-08T16:00:00+00:00

THAT NIGHT AFTER WORK I slept with the photographs of naked women, photos that I drew from my pocket like a magician who draws birds from his hat to hand to his beautiful assistant, who, no matter how many times the magician tries to saw her inside his magic box, always comes up intact, in one piece, happily smiling on the stage, under the light. Applause, applause! But I, unlike that sloppy professor, made sure that none of the scum that squirted under my quilt touched the glossiness of the pages or those X-rated bodies.

How crazy it was, I thought, that even when the beautiful lady sat on my bed at the hospital, all I wanted to do was to cover her with my quilt and dry her wet hair with the cotton sheets that softened the harsh metal beds. It must have been the deflated neon light that made everything flat and shadowless in that lunatics’ house. And it must be the harsh lights and dramatic shadows in these photographs that make me agitated, make me rattle and shake with images of slimy snakes wrapped in my hand, and then make me repulsed by what splashes and stains the inside of my bed.

I stood up and walked straight to the bathroom and washed. Then I wrapped myself in a purple towel and faced the day. I pulled open the curtains and waited for the harsh theatre light to blind me onstage while I waved and bowed to the cheers and the applause of the ghosts of an audience, but to my surprise, a soft, even light diffused and flattened the mountains in the distance and the grey streets below my window. There was no shadow to be seen in the world today. I thought, It is the perfect day to go and see that woman from the hospital again. I will ask her to come outside and sit on a bench, and to hum if she doesn’t feel like talking, and to sway back and forth if she is cold, and to let her hair get wet from the snow.

The woman smiled when she saw me entering the store. I knew you would come today, she said.

How did you know?

I saw you.

Where?

She pointed at her forehead. And I kind of remembered your bed in the mental hospital. You are the one who thought that you were a bird.

No, I protested, not a bird. I’ve never flown. I’m always walking on the ground. No illusion of flying. I stick to the ground.

I walked around the store. The woman was alone, and well-dressed. She followed me. The store had very little merchandise and all of it was expensive. Everything was hung on a few racks and the store had a feeling of emptiness.

You are surrounded by clothing, I said, laughing.

Yes, she said, and she laughed in turn.

I thought you hated clothes.

I do, she said, and we both laughed again.

Heavy and oppressive, isn’t it? Tissues and rags?

The woman nodded and looked me straight in the eyes, smiling.

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